August 2011
12 tags
Frustration runs rampant. (Alternate title: I go...
I’m just not having a good night. I can’t tell you why, either. It’s just how it goes.
Pain is bad. And the heart palps had been going on for two and a half hours, off and on. They seem to have stopped - for now. I don’t get it. I haven’t called or texted any medical practitioner about them. I’m probably fine, and at this point, I am almost at a point of...
July 2011
Why?... :(
I feel like I’ve had enough. I want to give up, but I know I can’t and to be honest, I don’t really know what that would look like. Something tells me it wouldn’t be a heck of a lot different than what life looks like for me right now.
I know it can be worse, and I know I’ll feel better later. But that sure as hell doesn’t mean I feel awesome now.
Random...
“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you...”
– Anonymous (via crohnsandarthritis)
12 tags
Blergh.
This morning I’m just feeling all blah. Exhausted, in pain, and just… blah. :( *sigh*
In other news, I figured out some ways to drastically improve my singing, thanks to my best friend’s sister (who is becoming a friend of mine, yey :D I’ve known her for as long as I’ve known my bestie [14 years] but she’s only recently becoming my friend rather than just an...
14 tags
Not in a good mood right now (alternate title: I...
Ugh. I’m sick of this whole invisible illness thing. Not that I want a visible illness, I just want people to be more aware of those invisible illnesses that are so common.
In a lot of pain tonight. It wasn’t too bad this afternoon when I was in a humid/warm room practicing cello for worship team, but it got pretty bad when I went from that (no a/c) to my a/c’d car, to...
15 tags
I think I like this Pandora station.
I have 13 followers!! This is kind of exciting, since I wasn’t expecting to have any. And I only know some stuff about… maybe three of you? So step on up if you like and bug me at my ask page. Sorry I don’t have comments enabled yet; still working on figuring that one out. :P
My tummy hurts. I’m anxious. My body aches. But I’m going to try to keep on ignoring...
4 tags
HAIR STUFF YAAARGH.
Below will be some pics of me, my horrible hair, and some of the styles I thought might look okay. (Pics of pillow pet and me will come in another post, I promise, since I know you are all DYING to see him!! :D) I will want feedback… somehow. My ask page I guess, or… or… something? since I’m too dumb (or feel like I am) to figure out how to get comments enabled.
Hair...
13 tags
ROAR.
I’m frustrated. :( Chronic pain/fibro is another “invisible illness” and… yeah. Since no one can see that I’m in pain, and because I try to hide it when I move and it hurts (unless it’s a huge pain spike), I often get asked things that drive me crazy. The worst one that has aggravated me thus far is, “Are you hurting today?” Ummm. The answer would...
8 tags
Kiss the rain... (alternate title: Love life no...
I’m reusing this title, because I like it. :D Thus the “#2” by the end, hehe.
Today is… very tired. And very draggy. Pain levels aren’t awesome but I’m working on not focusing on that. Yes, I mention it here, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the only thing I’m focusing on, so please don’t assume that. (After all, you know what your...
If you have an autoimmune condition, reblog this!... →
11 tags
Bugger off, pain!! (and other things)
Warning: very ranty and somewhat angry post ahead, most likely. Complaining about pain, grad school, pain, job opportunities, pain, and other things. Also, I got rambly near the end, whoops.
So today I discovered some things that have made me upset. Like, for example, that sitting in the student desks at uni hurt, even for just 30 minutes. And that walking up hills is almost impossible,...
10 tags
Oof.
I’m really tired. It’s just past 9:30am and I took my sleeping med almost exactly 12 hours ago. It should have worn off by now, but my voice is still slurred. Coordination is improving, though, which is a good sign. I hate sleeping meds. >_> And I wish that I didn’t; I wish I could get over my dislike of them and just settle into a routine of taking them (well, not...
6 tags
Oh %^$! ... literally.
I… yeah. I have delved into Fibromyalgia for Dummies, and… just read this (may be TMI to people who don’t like reading about IBS stuff):
“…Having the pain, achiness, and mental confusion that can accompany fibromyalgia is bad enough. But many people with FMS also suffer from irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), a colonic condition that, very simply put, causes the...
6 tags
A realization...
…I didn’t realize how much pain I was in until it got relieved with hot packs and a heating pad. And then… when I got “immune” to the heat from those, and I turned off the heating pad and sat up and got supper… all the pain came flooding back. Except now I notice it.
So it really feels ucky. My whole body is screaming at me. It hasn’t been this bad...
6 tags
30 question SI thingy. *potential trigger*
I will put this behind a “read more” thing, since I know it could be triggering to some people who either are following my blog, or who might stumble across it in the tags. I will try to keep it as ungraphic as possible, given that I can still trigger myself at times, despite being 13 months and 2 days free (but who’s counting?). FYI, for those of you who don’t know, SI =...
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?
8 tags
Bleh. (Alternate title: I am frustrated.)
So I’m trying to figure out this whole commenting thing, and the ask page thing, and all that Google is giving me in response to my queries on the former are links to Disqus (which I have activated, so anyone with a Disqus account should be able to comment). No luck on getting an ask page, even in using the FAQ here. My Google-fu failed me on that one as well. Tumblr devs really need to...
1 tag
Okay, so...
…I think I may have figured out Tumblr a little better. Maybe. No promises. But you might be able to reply to my posts now with comments, and I am pretty sure there’s a relatively hilarious about me page that I added here as well.
I swear, I feel like I’m coping with totally new technology here or something. :P
8 tags
Since I feel like being totally random...
…I’m going to write a random post. I know that I have a few people who are following me who don’t necessarily know a ton about me. Well, minus the stuff I tend to write about in here, d’oh. Like that I might have fibro. That I do have chronic pain. That I whinge a lot (haha). That I love to read and write, and that I’m a nerdy gamer chick.
But… there are...
13 tags
Exhausted... again.
So I took my Silenor last night… and slept pretty soundly from 11pm(ish) to 7am. Yet here I am, super exhausted already, and it’s just past 10am. :( Not fair. My eyes are even tired, and I’ve been yawning nonstop (okay, exaggeration - really am just yawning now and then) since I got up. Boo.
Pain was pretty bad this morning, especially right after I woke up. I’m...
10 tags
Tired... (*cue yawn*)
I slept last night from 10pm until 4am this morning. That’s with the Silenor. Something’s wrong with that picture. >_> I should be sleeping longer in the morning… as it is now, I haven’t felt the need to lie down and take a nap, and I’m going to try really hard not to, but sometimes I can’t help but take a nap, when I get to the point of being so tired...
7 tags
Early morning ramblings.
Sorry, I’ve been out of it for the past few days, trying to get things straight with friends and also in my own head. Nothing that serious, just… stuff. I’m sure some of you know how it goes… maybe. Haha.
It’s early. *facepalm* I went to bed last night at midnight & was totally expecting to sleep in until, oh, maybe 7am? or eight? But no, I’m up instead...
Reblog if you love to write.
Whether it be fanfiction, original stories, drabbles, songs, poems, books, or anything that has to do with creative words, then reblog. Let’s gather all the writers of Tumblr together.
9 tags
Blaaargh.
Today has been… okay. I went to see the psychiatrist from whom I am getting a second opinion on meds; got prescribed Silenor instead of doxapin for sleep - the Silenor is the sleep-inducing part of doxapin without the antidepressant part, for what sense that makes (brain cannot explain very well). So that might work a little better, although I really don’t know. I’m kind of...
10 tags
Ouch (alternate title: I whinge some).
I hurt. >_> I think sitting at the computer so much of the day isn’t good for me, but neither is sitting anywhere. And walking a lot hurts, and standing hurts… and - yeah, you guessed it - lying down hurts. So I’m not sure what “perfect balance” there is to find these days. Maybe I’ll figure it out soon; I hope I do. Blah. I also kind of really need...
5 tags
So... what do I have? (alternate title: I...
Well, I did some research this morning - granted, it was not a lot of research, nor was it super intensive, but I read stuff from the Mayo Clinic’s website as well as from fibromyalgia-symptoms.org about other illnesses that are similar to/can be mistaken for fibro. I don’t fit any of them as well as I do the fibro symptoms. I looked up lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritis,...
7 tags
Tears (alternate title: I want to cry... badly).
Today started off mildly, with the pain being maybe at a 3 on my scale after having taken a very hot shower this morning (that seems to alleviate pain for about, oh, an hour or so). However, throughout the day, pain levels have skyrocketed, which sucks. Right now my whole body hurts, and it’s hard to explain what the pain feels like besides achy and some sharp joint pain. I feel like a 90...
6 tags
Friendship thoughts (alternate title: I ramble).
So I have been listening to Yiruma’s “Kiss the Rain” recently. It is a beautiful piano solo and very relaxing, which is one reason I like it so much. But then I realized… it is very symbolic of my relationship with my best friend. That may sound weird, but let me explain.
We have been best friends for 14 years. Don’t have a thought in your mind that it’s...
6 tags
Some late night thoughts (alternate title: I go...
After a discussion with a close friend tonight, I have realized some thing about my fibro diagnosis.
- I need to be more assertive. Being 99% sure I have it and not something else is not good enough. And I need to remember this because I am usually too content to settle for the easiest thing and not push and poke and prod until I find out what’s really wrong with me.
- I need to take...
8 tags
My eyes are heavy (but I can't sleep).
I went to lie down for a bit and try to sleep, but it didn’t work. >:| I’m so tired, I was hoping that it would. I guess the caffeine I’ve had so far today is working… *sigh* …but not cooperatively. I want to feel mentally awake and alert as well as physically alert… not physically and mentally exhausted but simply unable to rest. Boo on silly caffeine not...
10 tags
Kiss the rain... (alternate title: Love life no...
I’m sitting here listening to Yiruma’s song “Kiss the Rain,” and thinking philosophical thoughts. (“But,” you say, “it’s barely 5:30 in the morning!!”) Yes, I know this. However, what better time of day for philosophical thoughts than early morning? especially when I have not seen this time of day for weeks?
I slept soundly last night, thanks...
5 tags
Ugh...
…I hate sleeping meds. Doxapin makes my eyes go out of focus and when I get this tired I feel funky and floaty and lightheaded. Stupid eyes. Stupid self. Why can’t I just sleep normally?…
…Anyway… off to lie down and hopefully pass out quickly and ignore the pain that is everywhere, everything, all-encompassing. I’ll try to write more tomorrow.
In many ways I depend on you - people who are not... →
chroniccurve:
“…I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out. Sometimes I need you to help me with the shopping, cooking or cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to normalcy of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of my life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able.” A letter to those without...
10 tags
"What ifs" are dangerous things.
I often find myself mired in those. What ifs, that is. “What if I had done X? would things be different now if I had?” … “What if I hadn’t tried to do Y? would life be better now?” … They are just another way that I get stuck in the past, and - most likely similar for most people - my past is full of regrets. I don’t dwell on my regrets, but they...
11 tags
*sigh*
I think I overdid it today. :( After playing WoW with my husband for awhile this morning, we went to the nearest lake for swimming and a picnic lunch. I figured that since it was about 80’F outside, I’d be warm enough to deal with the lake water (or that the lake water would be warm enough to tolerate). However, not so. It hurt so badly to get in, but I stuck it out and swam a...
4 tags
No idea how to cope.
I’m in so much pain. I almost passed out from it earlier. Either almost passed out, or almost puked, or both. And I rarely do either.
I don’t know how to cope with that kind of pain. The best I can do is just sit in one spot and not move much because even walking & standing are both intolerable to me now (as in, this evening - earlier this week it wasn’t this bad).
In...
Fibromyalgia is real. →
cynicaustic:
I wish I could make so many people understand just by reading this. Today I realised how hard I work to live a normal life.
I am in pain all the time. That’s not an exaggeration, I promise. I would love to be working multiple jobs, keeping myself busy. I’d love to be doing my childhood hobbies, cross country running and horse riding.
I don’t want sympathy. I want understanding....
8 tags
Too tired for a clever (lame?) title.
^ I wish that were me. Not literally, of course - I would hope that I have more depth than a video game character. ;) But the fearless part… I so wish that I could face life head-on with no fear, no trepidation in my demeanor. No worried thoughts skittering across my mind. However… no… I am human. Not a WoW character who fears nothing, since in WoW, all pain can be healed,...
5 tags
I hate this.
I really wish I didn’t have such a quick temper. :( I feel like snapping at anyone who’s stupid in any way, even if they are just random jerkfaces on WoW.
Last night I didn’t get to sleep until around 2am because of pain; I tried lying down around 10:30pm but I hurt too much to sleep so I got back up and diddled around online for awhile… if I hadn’t been hurting that...
9 tags
Today has been a pain (literally? yes).
Well, I saw my primary care doctor today about the pain I’ve been experiencing. The appointment went about as well as could be expected… well, actually - in a sense, it went better, since he wasn’t an ass about anything. That rather surprised me - I guess the tshirt I have that says “When all else fails, lower your standards” kind of applies… be pessimistic...
6 tags
Ugh, anger issues (alternate title: I go...
So I’m dealing with anger issues up the wazoo right now. :( It’s not fun to feel like exploding at random people for saying random, stupid things. I’m not fit company for anyone right now and so am trying to stay away from actively engaging with people. (For example, talking over the phone or face-to-face with someone would count as me “actively engaging” with...
5 tags
Sit down, & I shall tell you a story...
So lately I’ve been in a lot of physical pain. Actually, I will tell you a story about that, since there are parts of it I find rather amusing. ;)
I was hospitalized recently for impulsive suicidal thoughts. It was my own choice, and it had been three years since I was last hospitalized (all voluntarily), but anyway, that’s neither here nor there (for this story, at least). I went...
6 tags
About yours truly (alternative title: I go...
I don’t particularly want to do one of those obnoxious intro entries that are common some places among certain populations, but I will do a short intro for anyone who’s reading this so they know what they’re getting into. ;)
My name is April & I’m 23 years old. I’ve been married, for the most part happily, for almost 3 years now to a wonderful man, and we live...
Insomnia & other things.
Blah. I get to start a new med tonight for insomnia - not quite sure why I got switched off trazodone, since it was (kind of?) working. I guess the trazodone hangover wasn’t that workable, but at least the med put me to sleep?
Anyway, new med is doxapin (Selinor is, I believe, the trade name for it, but it comes generic). I’m only taking 1ml a day for starters (and yes, ml not mg -...
First thoughts on having a Tumblr account...
So here I am, trying out this whole Tumblr thing. I’ve heard so much about it - some good, some bad, some in-between. I have no idea if I’ll stick with it or not, but I figured it was worth a shot, right? “You’ll never know til you try” seems to be a pretty good cliché to follow here.
But anyway - HI. :) I might do an intro post later, once I figure out more stuff...
